My boss is probably going to fire me for writing this.

Actually...

If you've somehow landed on this page while searching for "the best tours in Croatia," I should probably be convincing you to book with us.

Instead, I'm about to tell you why you shouldn't.

This is either the worst marketing strategy in history...

...or pure genius.

We'll find out together.

(If this article suddenly disappears next week, my boss definitely found it.)

Please don't book with us if you're looking for a guide carrying a little flag, walking exactly 37 steps ahead, and reading facts like a GPS with a history degree.

We're hopeless at that.

Please don't book with us if you want to spend your vacation hearing nothing but dates. Sure, we'll tell you when something happened. But we're much more interested in telling you why locals still argue about it over coffee.

Speaking of coffee...

You should know that in Croatia, "Let's grab a quick coffee" is a dangerous sentence.

It can last three hours.

Four if someone's grandmother joins.

Please don't book with us if you don't enjoy unexpected moments.

Sometimes we'll stop because the sunset looks ridiculous.

Sometimes because a local fisherman insists you have to taste today's catch.

Sometimes because a sleepy cat has decided the middle of the street belongs to him now.

No one argues with Croatian cats.

Not even my boss.

(Although after reading this article, he might.)

And finally...

Please don't book with us if you're expecting perfection.

Croatia isn't perfect.

It rains.

The wind changes.

Someone's ice cream melts before they finish taking photos.

Maybe your guide bumps into a childhood friend who somehow knows everyone in town.

Those moments aren't in the itinerary.

They're the itinerary.

A seagull steals a sandwich.

Life happens.

That's exactly what makes the best stories.

So yes...

If you're looking for the cheapest tour...

Don't book with us.

If you're looking for the biggest group...

Definitely don't book with us.

If you're looking for a guide who'll rush you through twenty attractions before lunch...

Please, keep scrolling.

But...

If you're looking for the kind of day that feels less like a tour and more like spending time with a local friend...

If you're looking for stories you'll still be telling years later...

Then...

Maybe ignore everything I've just written.

And if my boss asks...

You never read this article.

Unless...You're exactly the kind of traveler we wrote it for. In that case we'll see you in Croatia. Hopefully on one of our tours!

Company update:

The boss still hasn't read this article.

When he does, I'll probably be asked why our official blog starts with "Please don't book with us."

On the bright side, I'm also the marketing department. :)

On the less bright side...

I'm also the reason the marketing department keeps getting into trouble.

Apparently, giving me full creative freedom wasn't the smartest business decision.

Stay tuned for my employment status after Blog #2.

Written by: J. - Tour Guide & Probably Writing This Instead of Doing Something More Important